I can't express enough how important it is for people dealing with anxiety and/or depression to find an outlet for their emotions.  Painting has been my life-saver and healer.  I seem drawn to creating emotive artwork to try and entice the viewer into my thoughts and emotions with the hopeful outcome being that they try and develop some understanding of the journey and difficulties others are facng.  I kid you not---I often cry while I'm painting my emotive pieces...but feel wonderful when the artwork is completed and I can see 'my story' on the canvas before me.  The artwork below (entitled "Unconditional Love" (R U Ok?) started out quite 'sad' with the 'person' sitting on a slippery slide....  I then felt the 'person' felt too lonely and added his shadow.  I was going to call it "Me & My Shadow" but then I recalled how loved I felt when I was with my dog Sam during my days of depresssion and decided it needed to finish off on a happy note (well, a happier note anyway). 

I can't believe where my journey with agoraphobia has lead me. Without having taken the steps to address my dis-ease, I never would have started painting...never would have started driving way out of my comfort zone to attend workshops etc....and NEVER would have had the courage to enter art competitions.  Today I'm as proud as punch to share the wonderful news that another one of my paintings was selected as a Finalist in The Gosford Art Prize (2015) out of 586 entries no less.  I even attended the Opening Night without any anxiety medication whatsoever, and had a prepared winning speech 'just in case'. As one of my greatest fears is giving a speech and making a fool of myself, I'll admit I did start to feel quite anxious but I sat quietly and addressed my negative thoughts and realized that if I prepared a speech and rehearsed it, the worst that would happen would be that I would have to read the entire speech.  I even went to the extremes of visualising myself being awarded the $15,000 and me calmly walking up to accept it and to give my speech.  I rehearsed it over and over in my mind right up to when I left to drive there.  To my surprise, when it came time for the awards I felt nothing but confident that I could do it.  I actually 'wanted' to give my speech. For some reason a calmness engulfed me.  It struck me, as I looked around, that I was no better--no worse--than every other artist in the room.  I was just 'me' doing what I love and it didn't matter what anyone else thought of me or my art. Suffice to say I didn't win the $15,000 (bugga!) but I came away feeling like I was now READY to win an art prize.  I realized in that moment that I'd never truly believed I was good enough before...or that I would be able to give a speech without having a panic attack... or that I was somehow not in the same league as the other professional artists who were also finalists.  I'm thrilled that I can now look at ALL experiences in a new light. I now try not to get disappointed when things don't work out how I'd hoped they would.  I now understand that they will if/when the time is right.

I was just thinking today how lucky I was to have a cousin willing and able to support me while I was in the process of de-sensitising myself to driving again.  Getting back behind the wheel, like many other things in my life, required a lot of courage and determination (not to mention prior relaxation, positive thoughts and visualisations etc) but more importantly, a non-judgmental person willing to be my co-driver if required,  and to support and encourage me without pushing too much.  I can't tell you how many trips we did until I was comfortable enough to do them on my own.  Only last Friday, while driving to Newcastle (just over an hour away), I realized how much I love driving up there now.  I honestly love the feeling of the sun on my skin and the peace of being alone for a short time with nobody requiring anything of me.  I often use the traffic lights to do some slow breathing and relaxation just so I can stay in touch with any areas e.g. stomach or shoulders that may have become a bit tight.  I'm so very proud of how far I've come... and so very pleased I now remember what it's like to feel 'normal' again.

May you, too, find that someone special to support and encourage you on your road back to independence.

Take care... and remember to keep chipping away.  Baby steps!  Baby steps!

Cheers, Donna

I'm very proud to say that one of my artworks made it through to the Final of the St Andrews War Memorial Hospital ANZAC Art Prize in April 2015.  To be a finalist in such a prestigious art prize, where the winner took home $25,000 (obviously not me on 'this' occasion LOL) was a major highlight of my life.  I even got to meet Dame Quentin Bryce.  As I mentioned in my book, my 'dis-ease' lead me to painting--which in turn lead me to gain more self-esteem and confidence in myself---which in turn is leading me to living a more fulfilled life.  When I look back, I'm seriously gob-smacked at just how far I've come and how much my life has changed FOR THE BETTER since I've calmed down, done internal and external work on myself, and stopped taking life so seriously.

My ability to deal with anxiety was definitely challenged during the trip to Queensland to attend the Opening Night of the art prize.  My first challenge was the 10 hour road-trip; followed by a matchbox sized lift in the unit my sister, niece and I were staying in.   I'm happy to report that I honestly did enjoy the roadtrip up and, eventhough a tad anxious about the lift, I actually utilised it on quite a few occasions and eventually did the lift-trip like a 'normal' person would i.e. without much thought at all, and became all the stronger for having faced, and overcome, one of my fears again.

Just to test my resolve a bit further we happened to drive straight into a Grade 2 Cyclone on our drive home and spent quite a time swerving around trees that had blown down onto the freeway and at other times guessing where the road might be when the deluge of rain made it hard to distinguish the direction and the location of the road.  I have so much respect and admiration for my niece who managed to stay totally calm throughout the whole ordeal.  We even managed to laugh quite a few times -- particularly when the petrol guage started flashing near empty. We'd driven into two petrol stations, only to discover that they'd lost their power and closed down, but we had one more to go, and just enough petrol to get there.  I'm not sure who was watching over us that night, but apparently the power had only just come back on to the next (and last) petrol station just before we pulled in--hence we filled up and were back on our way home.

Oh look, I'm starting to ramble just a bit too much now but I'd really like to emphasize the positives that came out of my venture and to assure you that you, too, can learn to laugh in the face of adversity if you just learn not to take life, or yourself, so seriously.

I wish you well AND GOOD WEATHER on all 'your' journeys...but not too good....we all need a few trials to help us grow.

P.S.  Yep!  That's "me" in the photo standing next to my painting entitled "Brothers in Arms"